from FB forgot to put it here but "one year"

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my... h...eart.

I think of Destinee everyday there is not a day or hour I dont have her in my mind remembering things from the past even yesterday i woke to her voice. I heard it so destinctly I could have sworn she was by the bed if not in the living room. she said my name 3 times. after my eyes opened i waited for it again even waited for her to bounce in to the bedroom from the living room. for a min i thought i was going crazy for hearing her but its not new for me to think i hear her voice or see her every so often. I called mom right off cause I thought maybe something had happend and she came to me and woke me but seems it was all in my mind, nothing was amiss everyone was fine. maybe if shes telling me something she will come again. my mind started early this morning thinking about what today is its a year one whole year i cant believe i even made it i truely thought i would lose my mind i think i did for a while. i cry still when i hear certin songs or see or do certin things. i dont mess around in stores like i used to with destinee. i dont really have anyone to play with like that anymore.

I remember a lot of things mostly mean and michevious things really like telling beef he broke the couch, or saying me and her was twins when i moved back. hanging out on the trampoline for hours just talking looking at the sky. I remember when we were much younger i guess i never noticed she tryed to follow me a lot more then I payed attention to her. i wish i could go back and keep her at my side every second i could when we were growing up. it took years for me to finally see how much she was like me. how much we looked alike and acted alike and liked the same things. i remember on vacation when we were goofing off and she was trying to balance on rocks with me and we watched the setting sun, skipped along a path in the woods with the boys following, i remember she liked this plastic thing everyone seemed to wear on there neck back then kinda a tatoo looking thing she loved mine and i finally gave her one she wore it forever that summer till it broke, i ment to get her another but just forgot to. I remember laughing with her and i remember her laugh. i still wait to see her come threw the door as if shes just been at school. i remember how her hair felt when i brushed it when we were kids i remember when she shaved it and we sat at the mall and she wanted me to count the freckles on her head, silly i know and i did she has 10 total... i remember a lot i seen much more then most got to see while she was sick i hate it somedays i even curse it and wish for them memories to go away. but i have to keep them i have to think of her im scared one day ill forget. not that she was here or that shes my sister and turned out to be one of my best friends and hell shes my twin just she was 10 years late.

One year ago today
The world came crashing down,
My live fell to pieces,
But no one heard a sound.
My strength disappeared,
fell into the dark
&started drowning in tears

i remember her fave perfume and how her hair smelled then i remember how the chemo smelled i remember when she would tell me about if she ate certin things her skin would smell like it it made me laugh but i understand. i have tryed to collect up storys from friends and anything small to put on the profile i made her ive been told it dont feel like her and i know cause she didnt make it i did in memory of her i look at it too i see things for her but its not her her old profile is her i helped her with it but i still cant put the destinee in to it like she can i miss her i see people call her peter and it makes me smile cause i was first to ever call her that long ago shes my peter im glad she liked that nickname it was never ment to stick but it did at least with close friends.



A year ago you left us,
And in our hearts you’ll stay.
I hear a laugh & turn to look,
To find not you, I have to say.
I miss the mischief in your voice
the tone that’s meant to play.
Before we took for granted
these things that made up you.
To dream of these,
and now it’s silenced too.
Now that you’re gone & I can see,
It’s more time I’d wish for me.
think of all the kindness
and of your caring ways.
You’ll always be remembered,
Until the End of Days

RIP Destinee J. Turner 6/27/1991-3/5/2009

Viva-Las-Vegas ( day one in vegas)

So, here I am in the supposedly most exciting town in the US well that is what they say right? I mean "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". Least so I'm told. I'm in the hotel room right now the place is called " the wild wild west" eh, it's a Days Inn. not bad pretty clean and decent place for the price. Wasn't aware of the pool and hot tub, yeah big pout face about this. I would love to take a dip in the hot tub for a few hours tonight. Not really interested in the pool but I know I would end up in it. I sat outside by it in a lounge chair for a bit this morning till the sun got me lol black jeans and a gray shirt and sun blaring isn't quite what I need. I know I'm pale but I enjoy my skin and don't want a tan really at least not a on purpose tan. Right now I'm sitting at the small table every so often taking a look at the beautiful clear sky and palm trees outside. Wish I could see more but fence and a walkway won't let that go, but if I could see more it would just be the city sky line. Not too much for me really I like outdoors to see the sky mountains just nature not buildings no matter how many lights and how it's shaped. I prefer nature. Ive been waiting for the damn maid all morning makes me wonder if she is waiting for me to leave. it's already noon. All I want is bed made, towels, and trash done. I'm not picky I don't need the floor vacuumed or anything major. I like them to make the bed cause well I'm lazy lol sometimes I don't even bother having it made at all. I would have blogged yesterday when I got here but I was so damn tired two planes and way too many hours and steps to make it here. I'm glad to be here for the week well business week like 4-5 days. Not long I guess, wish I could be here longer. Wish I wouldn't be going back to Indiana soon. I really like Indiana for family and friends but really it holds nothing else for me. Just memories and I can take them anywhere. I wish I had brought my camera or was able to talk mom in to letting me use hers. I'm actually tempted to just make the damn bed myself, least it would look neater then. OH and in need of TP really came here and there wasn't much on the roll and no extra roll, maybe that is how they do it here, I know anywhere I've been before and the hotel I worked for people would 1- be getting in trouble and 2- hotel would be looked down upon. yeah small thing like TP ends up a big thing to a guest. I worked front desk a few years it's amazing what a guest will bitch about sometimes. OH and calling to the front desk here 20 mins on hold for a user name and password for the net here and still didn't get it so waited a few hours and called back. I understand shit can be busy at the front desk but a normal guest would have really balled them out over it. UGH looking at the clean water of the pool makes me tempted to go buy a bathing suit here but really I don't want to spend so much on one cause I know it would be at least 30 bucks. Maybe I can run to walmart and just get shorts and a tank? Think I could get away with it? eh probably not. Maybe another bad thing here, you can hear everyone around you voices doors the whole lot and I seem to have a very loud mouthed man next to me and it's not english I believe is Arabic? Hindi ?Indo-Aryan? Not really sure just the accent and voice sounds around in that area. Please no one take that wrong just was going by the accent and voice to what language it would be.

I took a small break from my blog. Called the front desk and asked about when the maid might be around and she said there was no set time that they work in sections, I know this already I just want a made here before too damn late, it's already one here. One of my favorite movies is on "Sabrina" not the old one but the new one I think was re-made in the 90s, I have yet to see the older one. I do want to see it but I have yet to I'm not much on black and white movies. well guess I'll end this blog now and write more tomorrow think I'll go out side and enjoy the day. hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Blessed be
~always~
Raychel