Rachel M. Turner
July 2009
I awake this morning to find myself in the same nightmare. I have been living in for a little more then four months.I realize this is not a nightmare. I realize it is my real life it has consumed, My very thoughts are eating me.I am dieing a slow death with no where to run.I haven’t had rest yet still I must push on.
Let me start from the beginning
I woke up one morning and she was gone
no where to be found, my sister, my peter
has made her way to heaven
leaving me here to face fears alone
I will end my life to day if I was promise to see her again
thats not the way it goes...
it makes me wonder if there is really a heaven
how will I know that I am not waiting in vain...
I have this life to live knowing
I will never have a chance to hold her
to hear her voice... to see her face...
to know her laugh... to feel her gaze...
this is driving me insane to know that this is my reality...
it is my living nightmare...
I sleep a little longer because sleep is the cousin of death
I have a chance to talk with you a little longer even if it is just
in my dreams...
This nightmare of mines is almost like living in limbo right here on earth
My heart is so heavy...
I cannot find the words...
I want to use to express feelings...
without getting upset, crying and yelling...
this world is so unfair...
I miss her so much that at times...
I get lost in this nightmare of mine...
I don’t wish this much pain on anyone...
not even My worst enemy...
still I live this nightmare...
until it is my time...
who knows how long...
God may set me free...
until that time comes I will be here...
living in this nightmare of mine...
